9/11

I just realized I posted on September 11th with out really much giving it a second thought. I don't know whether I should think of myself as thoughtless or heartless.

As I sit here, in absolute the worst abdominal pain I have had in a long while (the pitfall of being a lactose intolerant masochist), I want to give some acknowledgement to our history. I don't know what my part is exactly in history--the role I am supposed to play when I feel so far removed from it all. So I thought I would make a chain of events starting with me and ending with how I am included in this tragic piece of history, so maybe I will gain a better grasp on what is worth grasping in life. It's basically breaking the grand complexity of Life into a mere mathematical geometry proof-- simply to provide a simple answer to an impossible question. It works... sometimes.

The beginning: I grew up in Southern California --> Moved up the coast a few thousand miles --> to a rainy city to study --> Art, no, viscom, no, communications, no psych, no, no, no, ENGLISH --> for no reason other than I like to read --> and write and nothing else suited me -->I wish to become a writer --> or a teacher --> but not before I travel --> to anywhere --> but hopefully: Israel, Pakistan, Spain, France, India, Russia, Indonesia, Egypt, Mongolia and China, Peru, Louisiana and Georgia, the Koreas, and Saudi Arabia --> is that too many places? --> But I'll write a book after --> It would be about people and things but mostly people --> what they are all about and what makes us all hate each other so much enough to do such drastic things --> like 9/11.

THE END

Ok I feel that I may have copped out with the end connection. But cant say it's not all true.

But in all seriousness, I am curious to know more about our world. September 11th was and is such a pivotal part of our history. It opened our eyes to the extremity and evil of our human nature to our generation, which can be found in all of us, regardless of ethnicity or faith.

We are all capable of doing the most horrid things. Americans are just as guilty as Islamic extremists. It's when we stop self checking we find ourselves in deep tragedy. It's amazing how easy it is to destroy and impossible to put back together again-- how even easier it is to blame yet impossible to wear guilt.

This Fall I will be taking a Post Modern English Class solely dedicated to literature that revolves around the topic of 9/11. I'm curious to learn more. Especially with the recent events of the Mosque/Islamic Cultural center being built on Ground Zero. We are moving forward, whether people like, want or need it. Time waits for no one (couldn't help myself)

It's been nine years now and the wound although scarred over for some, is only beginning to scab for others. My little 11 year old self could not fathom the amount of pain that the families experienced that day, but now nine years later, I imagine having a brother, sister, son, daughter, mother, father or husband stolen from me simply because of a foreign rebel ploy-- it absolutely breaks my heart. What an immeasurable pain that should never be pushed aside, forgotten, nor repeated.

I wish that 9/11 could be a lesson to all of humanity. That it was the last straw for everyone in the world, that everyone was sick of violence after that day, but no one needs to tell me to come down from my clouds. I know peace will happen when the sun stops rising in the morning.

Yet my naive nature, although has come to terms with reality, still constantly wonders how long it will take for everyone to realize we're all the same breed of human. That shooting a bullet through someone doesn't change them it just ends them. And what good does that do, the changing or the ending? Changing after all is ending, its just an ending in to the non-physical sense. But don't think that I don't recognize evil should change. But this led me to thinking who judges good and evil? Who decides right and wrong?

This is my theory.

Maybe we all (the entirety of humanity) have this inner working thing/piece/object/force/power, separate than our body, separate from our heart, separate from our spirit, or mind, or desires, but something beyond that, something almost mathematical that is tried, true and undebatable. I picture it like a radio-- a metaphysical, morally soaked, internal radio.

This radio is what tells us right and wrong. I think its beyond God, Allah, Buddha, Ganesha, or whatever you believe. The radio is no dictated or instituted by them, but they support it. The radio comes from this business in the skies, there is only one business and this business has a monopoly of all the radio installations in all humans-- in turn we all have the same radio signal that sends us the same directions towards goodness and warning us of badness. It's a universal signal. (Another question I am tempted to ask is when will we learn that we all have the same signal?)

So in turn, evil occurs because some of our radios signals get fuzzy, they break, they turn off; evil does not happen because the radio is broadcasting evil dictations over us, no, they happen because something is broken. Evil is not by choice, but by misguidance, confusion and lack strength to do what is right because our radios are not working properly. It's not in our nature to do evil, I'm not trying to shift blame to a make believe broken radio but think about it a little deeper, all religions, good moral conduct, etc etc follow the same standards, regardless if it is the same God or not... So if this is the case, if we all to the same extent, believe in the same 'goodness', something must be lost in translation, something must be broken.

Maybe, the first radio broke when the apple was bitten into and the garden kicked us all out of paradise. Then the world caused the rest of our radios to break and we began our swirling downfall of self-destruction.

I think we all know what is 'right' per say. Those who are unwilling to admit they have broken radios jump on those who think so clearly have broken radios. They rumble for a while. It turns ugly. Then someone changes or someone ends (aka someone dies.)

But it makes me sad that in our world that we turn to brutes not because we actually have broken radios but because we fear of our differences of faith, government, life and all the things in between. That there is an unprovoked and unspoken competition between everyone, all the time. That there always has to be a winner. Why do we have to destroy all the goodness we have to offer with our pettiness? What a poor exchange. Coming from a capitalist society, you would think Americans would get this. You would think Americans would know a bad deal when they see one.

Also, when will the mystery of the unknown stop feeling so damn scary. I mean our faith (speaking as a Christian) is full of mystery. It's divine mystery. Biblically, we are supposed to embrace it and by delving deeper within mystery (I think) we find the most fruitful answers.

With all that said, it can be clearly seen that, as a self-declared Christian Americans, are just a HUGE contradiction.

While we are saying we are trading for best interest and having faith in the biggest mystery of all-- we fail for our ideals to translate with our relations with the rest of the world.

This is so incredibly watered down. But I think I only have a watered down understanding of this world. I think you do too, as well as the rest of the world, who really knows what they are doing? We are all dancing the same dance in the darkness.

If there was a common consensus of peace among all nations, no changing or ending would have to be done on either side.

We wouldn't want to change or end them and they wouldn't want to change or end us and their enemies wouldn't want to change or end them and their enemies wouldn't want to change or end them and so on and so forth.

Wouldn't that be a nice world, just being able to live as you are.

To conclude: We'll never forget 9/11.