In a stranger's home

I am in a strangers home--Taking care of their sick son. As easy as it is to just sit and watch a kid sleep, it's absolutely overwhelming.

I have stepped into their life, their routine, their habits, I have emersed myself in their wholarity (apparently not a word so now i claim it's birth). Their wholarity is the combination of everything they are. Everything that grips their existense on this world-- in this life-- and the only thing that will keep them from floating away into nonexistence.

It's the food in the cupboards, the clutter in their living room, the paitings on the walls, the past in boxes, the 90's wear, the snowshoes on the shelf, the tree house in the backyard. This is probably should be more comfortably sentimental like I have stepped into a slightly different version of my own childhood, but it is completely rubbing my fur the wrong way.

I am out of place-- I don't belong. My line of reasoning is blurred between fact and irrationality. I have no ground in saying that this is not what I am accostummed to....

Rationally: This is just a strangers house and it could be just that I am uncomfortable because they are strangers. But the fact I am beginning to believe I am walking a thin line of fate. One side caustraphobic stagnancy and the other-- the complete unknown.

By walking the line I am buying my time with pesty indecisiveness however it is giving me the chance to acknowledge the benefits and drawbacks.

The first, which will most likely be the majority of us, chose settling-- which in other words is just creating your life to best fit you-- You call the shots, you make the rules. You settle into the routine you want and the habits you form. And for the most part you live happily ever after (with a little luck, elbow grease and tears, of course, nothing is as easy as happily ever after).

Then there is the latter... the benefits? I couldnt say. Maybe travel, true love, unceasing adventure, new perspectives, real relationships, deep success, unfaltering joy, more brain wrinkles,

draw backs? Everything getting shot to hell-- getting lost not just geographically but spiritually, mentally, emotionally; heart break, paralyzing fear, betrayal, failure, despondancy, loneliness -- need i go on?

I have never been one to fear the unknown, but then again I'm 20. How much is there to genuinely fear under the care of a stable home? Under a home that is settled?

Anyways, I'm tired of running these thoughts through my head it's making me restless. We all know there is no answer to which is right. Perhaps, both are right and both are wrong--just a paradox? Full of latent absurdities and irritating/arduous questions with conflicting answers.

But it's beautiful (and blinding).